Over the last year, I have had to change my life quite drastically. None of it was by choice. I became very ill, had to stop working, and move back in with family. At the age of 36, this is not something you dream about for your life. I am not going to go into the details of it all at this point, but I will over time. EVERYTHING that I worked so hard for- I lost. My new job, my home, my friends, my health, my sanity.
This is how it felt. I had to resign my new job because I was too sick to work. I had to move out of my home because I couldn’t work to pay the mortgage. I didn’t get to see my friends because it took all my energy just to get out of bed. I felt like I was losing my mind because the mind and body are connected and my body was not okay.
I lived minute by minute. All I could do was trust the decisions of my family members and doctors and contribute as much as I could to what I thought was best for me. For months and months, it took every ounce of strength I had to not give up. Everyday, I had to keep this speck of hope and faith that somehow I would get through it. I was terrified every single day, but had to continue to put one foot in front of the other.
Giving up is not an option. And when I felt like giving up, my family would remind me how strong I am and that I am a fighter. I fought for them. I have come a long way since last June. And I still have a long way to go. I will share much more of this chronic illness story and what I have learned about life in the process. I honestly hesitate to write about this because I don’t want it to define me. I am so much more than an illness or circumstances that I cannot control. So I will just say that none of this defines who I am, but it is a huge challenge that I have had to face. And in that regard, I am forever changed by it.
